


When the hero comes back home

by Akiko_kitsune



Series: Make me crazy, keep me sane [8]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Bottom Gintoki, It's finally the time when these two assholes finally face each other, Love Confessions, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Spoilers, Warning: very cheesy scene in the rain, top takasugi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-24 17:05:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20709533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_kitsune/pseuds/Akiko_kitsune
Summary: Utsuro was defeated. All threat to humanity destroyed. Everything ended well.Then why Gintoki stayed restless? Why couldn't he find peace in this new world? What-He knew well what he was lacking. And he felt it missing even harder when that small blond woman came to them.





	When the hero comes back home

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: spoilers. Really, if you don't know how the manga ends, step out.
> 
> While editing I got awful flu and headache, so sorry if something doesn't make quite sense and the sex scene is too short.
> 
> Either way, I'm finally done with this monstrosity of the story, thank you all for keeping up with me and my wild headcanon about these two. I hope you will like how this story ends.

"You're a fucking asshole," she said and puffed on the pipe in a habit she had to pick on when they hadn't seen each other.

Gintoki only rubbed his head. Why would he care? Not a first time when a woman said something like this to him, but she wasn't just anyone. She was… He probably shouldn't call her like that anymore. He had to recall what her name was... Matako, right. So, she wasn't just anyone. And that was why he had to ask her that one thing.

"Have you given up?"

She looked at him like she was going to slap him. She had almost killed him a few times, so that didn't seem as harmful. But she didn't move, only spoke: "I can't understand you. What you're doing, what you're thinking, what…" she sighed. "There is probably nothing that's why…” she turned her eyes to the ground. “No one could understand why you have left _ him _ there."

Gintoki was silent. He got asked about it a lot and that was always his answer - silence.

She knew he would act like that. After all, she asked him that countless times already. She kept talking, slowly, calmly. That was also a strange habit. It was almost like she tried to… Gintoki pushed that thought away and tried to focused on her words.

"With time, some figured it out why you have done that, but then…” Her blue eyes reached him again and caught him off guard. They still didn’t lose their innocence after all she had done in her life. And Gintoki remembered too well how they looked like filled with tears. “I can't understand why you haven't looked for _ him _."

Gintoki bowed his head. "If_ he _... came back, he should have a clean start. I only bring a mess."

He saw as she closed her fists. "I spent so much time," she stated calmly. "Hating, cursing you, Shouyou, Katsura… You all brought all that harm to_ him _ . You weren't there when he needed you. You were there only to hurt him even more. Even your precious master, all he did was leaving him again. I don't even want to dwell on a friend who was telling the world around how he was going to protect _him._" She gulped. "Do you know how many people _he _let close in his life?" she asked.

Gintoki shook his head and dared to look at her.

She counted on her fingers. "Gintoki Sakata. Yoshida Shouyou. Katsura Kotarou. Sakamoto Tatsuma. Kawakami Bansai. And that's all."

”He did let you...”

”No. But I was still there to witness how much pain you would bring him.” She paused for a moment to calm down, but her eyes reddened. She couldn’t. So Gintoki thought when she got up and was ready to leave. All these wounds were still too fresh to talk about it.

He was wrong. By the doors, she had one more thing to tell him, "He remembered everything. And that was hell. I was by his side as he cried and screamed, but I could never get as close to him as you were. I couldn't help him."

_ What? _

“Wait!” he ran after her.

Gintoki needed to make a few steps out of the Otose’s bar to meet them. See them. Both of them. It didn’t take even a second before he recognised the man standing by Matako even if his face was partially hidden under the hat. He could recognise him by the way he stood, by the elaborate kimono he was wearing, by the way he was wearing it loosely, lazily tied. He could recognise him anywhere.

Was he…?

The man looked up to him and lifted his hat a bit. Two cunning, green eyes reached Gintoki. “Hi,” came with a low, always hiding under a smirk voice.

Gintoki almost fell to his knees. How…? Was it real? Was it some cruel dream he would soon wake up from?

“You two should talk,” Matako spoke.

“Probably,” Takasugi sighed. “Oi, is anyone at your home now?”

“No one,” Gintoki didn’t even know how these words went through his tightly clenched throat.

“Can we…?”

He nodded. Right. It wasn’t the best choice to talk about all of it on the streets. Even if everyone assumed he was dead, certain policemen hatred still hadn’t faded and they would be more than eager to put even a ghost behind the bars.

Gintoki went first. He didn’t dare to look behind. Like it would break the charm. Like it would wake him up from this dream. Cause how could it be a reality? Past few years were surreal, but that was already in the past. Now everything came back to normal. No dead teachers, lost students, never dying off bad guys and Earth existence threating danger.

When Gintoki closed the door behind him, Takasugi was still there. Seemingly a part of his world. 

"Are you…?" he asked without thinking.

"Immortal?” Takasugi raised an eyebrow. “There is only one way to find out."

_ No, don’t even dare to joke about it. _

“So,” Takasugi hummed strolling into Gintoki’s home. “How’s everything going?”

“Everything went back to normal.”

“_Normal_, huh?” He sat on the couch. "He's gone now. Really gone."

Gintoki nodded. That much he could feel himself too.

That was also a part of going back to normal. No matter how much Takasugi didn’t want that. That insane world suited him. He knew how to play it out, how to figure out what would happen next. What would he do in a boring, normal world?

“Everyone is annoying you with questions after what happened,” Takasugi hummed. “I wonder if your strategy is as always silence? Or are you joking your way out...?

“Takasugi,” Gintoki growled to make him shut up for a moment. It worked. But the silence that fell upon them was worse than his taunting. Gintoki sighed and finally came closer to him. He sat on the other couch and faced him. “So… You have something to ask as well?”

Takasugi smirked, but that soon faded from his face. “Why… Why haven't you let me die beside him?"

Gintoki hadn’t thought much at that moment. Too much happened. There was something in him that stopped him from taking his friends body and grasped on the insane hope that they could meet again.

And if that wouldn’t work out, Takasugi would rest by their master’s side. That would honour his will.

Looking at it from this perspective, the fact he didn’t get to rest was someone’s else fault. Gintoki knew Takasugi wouldn’t like this answer, but maybe that was the reason why he said it, "_ He _ didn't want you to die either."

Takasugi didn’t even tremble. He kept staring mercilessly at Gintoki. "Since when you started listening to him?"

"He had asked me to watch over you… and I tried my best to do so."

"You fucked up."

"I know." His shoulders grew heavier. He often wondered how they hadn’t broken yet under all that pressure.

"This world is fucked up."

"I wanted one more chance!"

"You would screw it up again!"

Gintoki knew that. That was why he wasn’t looking for him. He didn’t want to destroy it all again.

"I couldn't go on thinking you're gone…" Gintoki uttered.

Takasugi couldn’t keep that ruthless expression hearing that. Seeing how sadly Gintoki stared at him. He broke down under it.

"Now you're starting getting what I felt about Shouyou,” Takasugi said faintly. But there was still too much resentfulness in his veins to let everything slide because Gintoki looked at him like a kicked puppy. “In contrast to the hero, I could never ask for a second chance. Years of praying, begging and fighting gave me only a minute with him."

"I-"

"You don't get it, he…" Takasugi's voice quivered. He needed to change what he was about to say to get it out loud at all. "He was always so important that he just couldn't be gone. I could have fooled myself about it, I'd got a lot of experience, but it doesn't work anymore… He… For those two years, he almost was some part of me and now… Now I can feel it being gone. The only thing that was keeping me together is gone..." He hid his head in his hands.

No words could work in this situation.

Gintoki got up from the couch. Something in him was taunting him to go away, leave behind everything that was uncomfortable. Maybe everything would solve itself without his intervention… No. He couldn’t just walk away.

He sat by Takasugi. He looked at him. How many times did he see him hurt? Too many.

Gintoki pressed him to himself.

“What are you doing?” Takasugi asked. He could only say that many words without making his voice crack.

Gintoki pulled him even closer. He pressed him to his chest. "I told you - I'll take all these broken pieces and make something from it."

“Do you think I forgive you so easily?” Takasugi whispered but nuzzled closer. 

“I’m okay with you hating me.”

Takasugi put a hand on Gintoki’s thigh to support himself on something and looked in his eyes. “I wish I knew how to hate you.” He moved closer and kissed him. How much they were missing each other? How empty their life was without one another?

They stayed closer after the kiss broke. Gintoki caressed his cheek. Green eyes followed his moves attentively.

“Now you have both of them,” he murmured.

“And fewer scars,” Takasugi added. “It’s only some small physical changes. I don’t even notice them.”

Gintoki’s hand slid lower. Almost like he wanted to part Takasugi’s kimono. Like he wanted to check himself what had changed. He would notice even the smallest details. But that desire stayed only in his thoughts. He forced his gaze to return to Takasugi’s face. There were waiting for him two bright green eyes. Gintoki couldn’t get out of their charm. They weren’t in any way similar to that lost, anguished one. No. They were exactly the ones he last saw on the boy he fought with so many times, cause he couldn’t understand his feelings to him.

“It’s like the time went back…”

It didn’t sound as reassuring to Takasugi as he tensed in Gintoki’s arms.

“Like nothing bad had happened yet? Doesn’t that mean it will all happen yet again? Soon. I still haven’t recovered from the past ones…”

“Maybe first the good things will happen?”

“Were there any?”

“We could think of a few… Don't you think now that wheel of fortune may start going up for you?"

"And one day I'll get above all that pain?"

"I think so."

That reassured him a bit as he shifted closer to properly sat on Gintoki’s lap and teased, "All your thinking is just repeating my words?"

"Shut up smartass."

Takasugi’s expression saddened again. “Why haven’t you looked for me?”

Gintoki looked aside.

"I couldn't leave them." That was an obvious lie. Poor excuse. It was one of the reasons, but there were also others. There was fear. That he would not find anything. That he would not stop looking for him.

"Now you're keeping promises?"

"I…"

Takasugi put a finger on his lips. "I know. I broke my promise too - I did die…” he sighed and moved back. ”You wanted to start from a clean slate - okay. Then promise me something."

"What would it be?"

"Don't make me see you cry."

"Don't make me see you die."

"I promise."

"I do too."

Gintoki started to understand Matako’s rage. Even if there were no wounds onTakasugi’s body, the ones of his heart get worse. It shouldn’t be surprising as he couldn’t keep his usual smirk for long before his mind recalled the worst. Or how he was becoming pliant in Gintoki’s arms since life taught him the hard way how powerless he was. And why, no matter how closely he was held, he couldn’t fall into it as he’d gotten so awfully hurt and betrayed by his closest friend. Gintoki swore to protect him, to save Shouyou, not to make the same mistakes again.

He killed Takasugi.

He held Shouyou as he was dying.

He was again telling himself he couldn’t have done anything more.

If Takasugi was there, he would have done more. Maybe that was why now Gintoki couldn’t let him go out of his arms. He didn’t know what to do without him.

* * *

Gintoki held Takasugi close through the night.

Shinpachi walked on them in the morning. He saw Gintoki in more compromising positions than tightly hugging someone who should be dead and used to be their enemy. He only closed the door quietly and let them have more time to rest.

* * *

Later in the morning, the kids didn’t mind Takasugi that much either. Well, now they should no longer be called kids as Shinpachi was an adult and Kagura would soon turn eighteen. But in Takasugi’s mind, they were still these annoying brats.

They had to go down to Otose’s bar, cause, of course, Yorozuya ran out of food. How did they even survive living like that?

Otose watched Takasugi closely. At first, he dismissed it. Being so long wanted criminal taught him why people were staring at him. But no one ever dared to rat him out. He didn’t know why. Bansai was sometimes telling him it was because of the respect they had towards him. Like no one was saying it out loud but they were seeing him as a possible hero. Takasugi never believed in that. He usually thought it was more because of fear. He killed so many, in stories running around the city even more, than no one wanted to put themselves in danger.

But that woman wasn’t looking at him in that way. It was more judging, careful stare. Hm… Could this whole situation be just a play from Gintoki’s side? An excuse to bring Takasugi here and… show him to her?

Takasugi knew she was the one that took care of Gintoki after the war, but all these facts were adding to some insane scenario in his head.

Or maybe Gintoki brought him here to show him what he could have here. Definitely a way too loud group of idiots.

Although…

Takasugi could stay here...

“He didn’t put any additional mattress on,” Kagura threw when Gintoki left them for a moment.

“He's a lazy loser. You all know that.”

“Takasugi-san. We know,” Shinpachi said. From the sound of his voice, Takasugi knew he wasn't referring to something he wished to. “We figured it out before.”

“Gin-chan is stupid enough to fall for you,” Kagura added.

Takasugi didn’t answer to that. When he saw as Gintoki came back, he thought that was his sign to leave.

“Stay,” Gintoki grabbed his hand as he was going away.

”When have I ever listened to you?” Takasugi smirked and walked out.

Gintoki sat staring at the door. What should he... Screw it. He went after Takasugi.

It started raining. Screw it. He felt as his clothes started to stick to his skin. Screw it. Screw it. Screw it.

He caught up with Takasugi. He grabbed his hand.

”What, what are you doing?” Takasugi threw surprised with seeing him. They were both just standing and getting wet in the rain. It seemed so ridiculous. But screw it.

”Finally what I should.” Gintoki cupped Takasugi's face in his hands and kissed him.

Takasugi tried to push him away. “You trash, you fucking lowlife, you asshole, you shithead, you… you…”

“I love you.”

Takasugi turned silent. His eyes widened. His hands clenched on Gintoki’s clothing.

Luckily, the rain drenching their clothing kept all the bystanders away. They could have this little moment only for themselves.

”Let's go inside,” Gintoki murmured.

Takasugi only nodded and kept his gaze low.

They went upstairs. With each step that scene was becoming less real. When they got in and Gintoki went for some towels, it seemed just like a dream.

Takasugi had to cling onto it. Not let it fade away.

”I won’t ever forgive myself that I needed to hear that...” he murmured when Gintoki gave him the towel to dry himself. ”I was waiting for it for so long."

For a moment there was only silence. Maybe it was all just a…

Gintoki came close to him and took the towel from his hand and dried Takasugi’s hair.

"You shouldn't be so stubborn and wait until I do something," he spoke.

"Oh, _ I _ should be doing everything here?" Takasugi glared at him.

"No.” Gintoki took the towel away. “Only one small thing."

Takasugi knew that. He really shouldn’t be so stubborn. He clenched his hands on Gintoki’s clothing again. They were a bit wet. Takasugi’s similarly. They should get rid of them. Soon. Not now yet. Why were they both always running into these thoughts to hide from their feelings? They didn’t like to show each other any weak spots. Maybe that was why.

Takasugi stretched out. Not to stand on the tips of his toes yet, but just a bit. To be just a bit higher. Not let that idiot look down on him at this moment. He looked him in the eyes. He wasn’t a coward.

"I love you too."

Gintoki smiled.

Takasugi’s grip on his clothing tightened. _ Don’t dare to laugh it off. _

He didn’t. He only moved close and kissed him. So softly. Takasugi moved after him when it was supposed to end. He pulled him closer. That was how they were kissing. He needed something that would make him feel alive. 

Gintoki corrected himself. He pushed Takasugi on the wall. He kept kissing him pressed him to it. Takasugi grinned against attacking his lips. That was the right way to kiss. His hands reached Gintoki and hungrily touched him. They slipped into his hair. Ran across his face. Clung onto his arms. Dug nails into his back. He wouldn’t let him get away for some stupid reason.

“I missed you,” Takasugi murmured to his lips.

Soon they moved. Through the hallway, bumping on the walls, then on the couch, they moved further, Gintoki messily opened the door to his bedroom and after them closed.

Takasugi laughed. “We’re like some horny teenagers.”

“Because you were away for so long.”

Takasugi put a hand on Gintoki’s chest to put a distance between them. “Because you weren’t looking for me.”

Gintoki moved back. “We’ve talked…”

“We did. But some things still hurt.”

That pulled Gintoki out of the mood. He really did fuck up. So why did he even deserve Takasugi being here? Why did he get to hear these words?

“I always make you sad.” Takasugi’s hands went to Gintoki’s face trying to ease its muscles.

“You’re making me crazy.”

Takasugi moved his hands back. “Sorry.”

Gintoki took his hand and put back on his cheek. “And you keep me sane. In this insane world, I always knew you were somewhere there. And that...”

“What?”

“No matter where I got lost, your words would guide me back.”

Takasugi chuckled. ”Wasn’t I speaking evil things?”

“No. Not when I listen closely. Not when we fought against Utsuro. Now when…” _ you were dying in my arms_.

“Cause you’re always vulnerable to other’s words. I couldn’t let you give up in the middle of the fight then.”

“That’s why I need you. Someone has to shield that only vulnerable part of me.”

“_ Someone? _” Takasugi teased. “I believe you would find someone else to do that who would be less enerving than I.”

“No one else would work… Maybe I’ve just gotten selfish and wanted to keep you close, keep you safe.”

“Last years spoiled you rotten then.”

“They did.” Gintoki bowed his head.

Takasugi took it in his hand to raise it. He looked him in the eyes. “If that’s so, be selfish. Fight from all your strength to keep me by your side.”

“Do we always have to fight?” Gintoki rested his head on Takasugi’s shoulder.

“That’s how we are. That’s just how we are… We don’t have to do so tonight.” Takasugi caressed his hair. “We can let ourselves be soft for one night. Too much had happened, we deserved to rest.” Takasugi hands reached to Gintoki’s belt. “Our clothes got wet, we should get rid of them.” He smirked.

Gintoki’s hand moved under the material of his kimono and rested on the bare skin on his waist.

Good. They were still in the mood for some games.

Takasugi kept undressing him. Slowly, teasingly. Until they were both worked up so much into it that Gintoki helped him to get it done sooner. Takasugi kept teasing, disturbing him, dragging it up. Their moves heartened. A fire started as if someone rubbed the matched against the box.

Takasugi pressed Gintoki down to the mattress. He let him dominate him. So easily that it almost wasn’t fun. But Takasugi knew how to pull out from him anything he wanted. This night was suppose to gentle, but he could make it interesting either way.

“Remember how we used to fight over it?” Takasugi chuckled.

The one on top was the one who could pin the other down. Teenage years were wild. Filled with misunderstanding and understatements. How little did they know then about each other?

Now they knew much more. And they would continue to learn. Continue to talk. These were the only things that were keeping them from getting hurt. And they’d gotten hurt so badly in their lives, they needed some healing. Some tenderness.

Takasugi kissed him once more. Then he moved his hands and lips across Gintoki’s body. He needed to check if there were any new wounds or scars. And he needed to celebrate each of the old ones. They were all signs of heroic fights and deserved to be cherished.

Gintoki, on the other hand, barely touched him. Before Takasugi needed to bind him to keep him in place. But he knew what had changed. Gintoki had hurt him again. And he was afraid that it would repeat. Each wound would be vivid now on the unmarked, perfect skin. 

Takasugi didn't mind getting hurt. He didn’t mind being crushed by Gintoki. He even wanted it for so long. If these hands would put an end to him, he would rest peacefully… In the end, it didn’t turn out like that. Peace wasn’t for Takasugi.

This night he was sure these hands would not bring him harm. He put them on himself so many times. He wanted to be held by them, touch by them, loved by them.

Soon in his caress, his fingers reached down between Gintoki’s legs. They went in so easily. Before that would spar jealousy in him. What wasn’t sparing it? But now, he had a strange feeling that Gintoki waited for him, that there wasn’t anyone else.

How did that change?

Ah, right. Now he knew Gintoki loved him.

This idiot finally said it.

And Takasugi let him see that he was an idiot too.

Maybe they did match one another.

Takasugi entered him.

“You’re always so slow in this,” Gintoki teased.

“Cause I like to drag it out,” he murmured kissing his chest. “I like to torment you.” His teeth grazed his nipple. “Everyone has its style. And some has more class than to quick fuck someone no matter where.” He thrust deep in Gintoki.

Gintoki’s hand clenched on the bedding.

Takasugi grinned. That was right. He could make a mess out of him. He could still put the strongest man on this earth to his place. And it was beneath Takasugi.

* * *

It seemed to go on for hours. Gintoki was a shivering mess when finally Takasugi let go and fell on his chest. It felt good too. Being able to reach an arm around him and keep him close.

“Happy ever after?” Gintoki murmured.

“Don’t give me that sappy crap.” Takasugi shifted, so he could put his head in his hands, elbows rested on Gintoki’s chest and look at him. “Wait till I feel a bit better and we’ll go back to killing each other.”

Gintoki laughed. He was looking forward to it. That was his idea of heaven.

When he looked at him again, something was clouding his mind. His hand went to him to reassure him. Takasugi leaned into it.

“You know it won’t be easy,” he said sadly.

“I know.” Now Gintoki was starting to understand what Matako meant. He could imagine what she might have faced trying to take care of him. “It wasn’t pretty at all when I got back from war.”

“Coming back from war, huh?”

“Yeah. You have just returned from there.” Gintoki caressed his cheek. “You’ve got hurt there.” His fingers traced near the left eye. “You’ve lost a lot of comrades.” Takasugi’s breath went short. “But you’ve come back. You’ve come back to me.”

“I’ve come back home.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a fan of the theory that Takasugi came back as that baby. It just feels so selfish of Gintoki to want to get Takasugi back, but not taking any responsibility for it, I know that Shouyou also had his share in bringing Takasugi back, but if so many people stayed dead after everything, then let my baby boy rest as well, he had been through too much.
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> Either way, I want to thank everyone who made this far and everyone who gave me feedback which kept me going. I don't want to bitch too much, but I see so many GinTaka shippers whining for more fan content while GinTaka fics (in general, not only mine) get less attention than rarepair fics (and as a ShouTaka shipper, I know a lot about rarepair hell). So hit kudos, write a small comment, cause creators keep doubting in themselves seeing so little attention. I throw out this series three times and the only reason I keep coming back is cause I don't like leaving things unfinished.


End file.
